Letters this week: A troubled partner, Mother’s love, and FASB muddle

The first letter this week is from a CPA savoring his first tastes of professional courtesy. Then, on to a letter not intended for the public, but I felt you would delight in the struggle. The last letter is my simple clarification on an accounting standards update.
The names of the authors, our fellow professionals, have been slightly altered or altogether concocted according to my fancy.

Dear Viceroy,
I am a new partner at a regional U.S. firm. I have few personally cultivated clients, but mostly hogshit clients passed to me from other partners. Said clients, passed to me, are basically sludge with the ability to pay their fees. Example 1: I set an appointment to pick up the engagement letter, the address provided was a massage parlor just off I-95. Example 2: When testing journal entries, we found a miscellaneous expense entry, description given Booger Sugar. Is there anything I can do to exact revenge? – Durble Wizzleby, CPA, Partner

Durble,
You are tasting what many new partners, when dealing with a client list, are forced to choke down. You expected a well blended leek purée, but have received a bowl of truckstop chili. The only way to make them look like fools is to realize that Faith is placed in your continued success. Yes, even with the shite passed on to your client list. In order to lay waste and taste the jus of revenge, you must succeed where they failed. So, expand services, raise the fees, and bask in the praises your work will garner. I admonish you to avoid the sex traffickers in the massage parlors and be cognizant of any amount of illicit powder metered by a client. Take not this guidance lightly -The Viceroy

 
Cherished Viceroy,
I am in the tax department at a Fortune 500 company. On my floor we have a large kitchen and common area we share with two other floors. There is a single mother, just back from maternity leave, nursing and keeping the pumped milk in one of the refrigerators. I kept seeing these bottles of rich crème, and I was completely taken by the urge to pilfer a taste. The “just once” quick taste soon led to more than a gulp. The timing of when I could sneak to the refrigerator would determine the temperature of my bounty; sometimes the milk had cooled, sometimes just barely cool, and once or twice it was nearly 98.6 degrees. I am sure the mother/donor began to notice and yet never confronted me nor baited a trap. Then after a couple weeks, it happened – she left an additional bottle marked with this message: I offer this gift, for what next will you ask? Viceroy, how many people will find out about this? What should I do? Should I ask for anything? – Oedipus M. Guernsey, Tax Accountant

Oed-
Ask her to leave one chocolate – V –

O Viceroy,
I am making efforts to clarify Staff Practice Alert No. 13: Auditor Consideration of a Company’s Ability to Continue as a Going Concern. The audit team feels that management should provide us with everything we will need for disclosure, but I am catching hell for wanting to do my own considerations of the company’s going concern uncertainties. How can I clarify this to my team? – Tony Hookworm, CPA, Guzman & Escobar CPAs, LLLP

Tony-
If, with a committed resolve, you conclude that your bed belongs amongst the mongrels, you will be flea bitten and covered in mange. There should be no surprise in ones fate… -Viceroy-